Hi Janet,
Yes, the choice of which "clipless" pedal, and indeed which clipless system can be a real trial-and-error.
I and my spouse successfully adapted to Shimano's SPD (mountain-bike-variant) quite well.
The ability to walk normally on top of the recessed SPD cleats is a great benefit.
We (now) use double-sided mechanisms, but with one side occupied with an SM-SH51 cleat with attached pedal reflector such that the available pedal clip is always uppermost.
But in the past we have used Shimano M323's with a full toe-clip+strap on the non-SPD side.
And I have tried the T780 single-sided-SPD with reflectors.
I think it is worth persevering with SPD pedals, but note that the stiffer the sole in your chosen shoe, the less the specific pedal platform shape matters.
And at the same time the less that the clip "tension"needs to be set.
I know that Dan favours the lower release tension of the T400 (and T700) pedals. I have not tried them.
But as my (our) confidence with being able to release the SPD system, the more that we were happy with, and indeed preferred, higher release tension.
Given how close you are to me (I am in Macclesfield) you could possibly borrow a set of T780 (or indeed the M323 + toe-clips+straps) pedals if you wanted.
--
IanW